Snakeskin Boots

Updated: May 20, 2020

For the longest time, I thought I was behind... 28 years old and so relentlessly lost, in search of something to ground myself in the whirlwind. "People are supposed to go through this when they're younger," I lamented when confronting my own individuation. This is akin the college experience, in which you find yourself lost in a sea of sex and sin. Drowning in Sailor Jerry as your ship drifts dangerously off course. The decisions at this moment in time are less reckless, but nonetheless, I haven't seen land in weeks. Desperately pleading with Poseidon for a sign or a direction, I miss subtle silent cues. The lapping of the waves against the burgundy boat's edge is so romantic. If I would just sit and soak it in...

The waves of our heart tend to go unheard until a storm summons awareness.

Up until now, I have viewed the human experience as a portal to a single moment of awakening wherein we finally reach a culmination of all our hard work and introspection to realize a state of existence where we "have it all figured out." To the programmed ideal, this enchanting time of upheaval and exploration and confusion is a one time shit storm. Typically idealized in a young man or woman's life in which they make mistakes, learn hard lessons, and are rocked to the core of their existence. I won't dive into age, because that timeline is fallible, and different in every soul's existence. Yet, I will dive into the deep end of the disillusioned topic of the ever-famous Hollywood "coming of age" story. (I write in hyperbole sometimes, so bear with me. I am aware that all things have gray area and are not so black & white as they are made out to be. Journey with me.) Growing up, there was a tendency for me to believe that every story has this one turning point where life goes from disaster to paradise. This is the script, wherein children are expected to, at 18 years old, make decisions that drastically affect the rest of their life. It is good to learn on the fly by experience. It is even better to do so with a semblance of your own moral compass, and an engaged idea of who you are beyond programmed ideals and emotional family patterns. Once again, dramatic conclusions and wide sweeping generalizations abound. But, the code I'm looking to crack here is one that believes that pain and suffering ever has the potential to evaporate. This is where I have my aha moment.

Snakes shed their skin 2-4 times per year. The average lifespan of a snake is supposedly 9 years. Gracías Google. That is roughly 18-36 transformations in their lifetime. Nature knows. I'm not calling you slithery, but I believe there is a correlation. To shed our skin is to leave the past behind us, to rebirth, to adapt and encounter a new uncharted depth to one's soul. I thought I was going crazy, 28 years old, way past the perceived inflection point to "have your life figured out." I was confused. It felt like people had their lives in order. I was sharing deep and meaningfully transparent and vulnerable emotional entailings, and it seemed like no one understood what I was going through. I felt alone on a journey of further self-development and awareness. Am I crazy for wanting to know myself better? Should I have gone through this already? Did I not go deep enough in exploration at a young age to realize my soul essence? So I went deep into the dark annals of my past and my generational traumas. I blamed my parents, and how I was raised. Searching for answers of why I turned out the way I am. All from an angle that I was not "who I was supposed to be." We won't get into the lens of perspective today (which in my estimation can greatly disturb the clarity of our filter). How we view ourselves is a large part of the process. Awareness can be a sharp weapon if wielded by self-destructive hands. Inwardly prodding for answers and truths. Poking hastily at tender wounds. Trying to take time into a willed warriors stance. Stifling growth by impeding pure progress in the process.

I digress. Back to snakes... I realized I had it right. Why? Because nothing is wrong. I believe that we have a very cyclical existence, in which we have free will to exercise. But we are fated to encounter the inevitable pain and suffering regardless of how soon we "know ourselves." I feel that I was setting my life up in an effort to know myself well enough, plan things accordingly so that I may avoid a future that fear protects us from. We experience change all the time. Whether or not we are conscious of it, or are heeding the signals is another story. I believe that if we can accept to the point of celebration the naturally changing landscape of our existence here, there will be more room for the good stuff: joy, happiness, pancakes etc. Certain tracks, or life paths, or careers may give us a semblance of safety and security but it will never protect us from our own soul's mission to shine through. Our higher purpose connected to whatever you believe we come from. I believe in God. Not the book character, but the presence. The trust. the underlying power we all share as humanity. The oneness. The journey, the freedom, the passion to live with reckless abandon and smile together in lightness and love. Nirvana is here, heaven on Earth in this moment. Bliss. Our stumbling bumbling humanness gets in our way, but also is exactly why we are here. To experience the full range of emotions, experiences. To shine bright in every color. To embody the kaleidoscope of color and light dancing in the shadows of our own mortal existence. Immortal. Finding ways to align the universe and the Earth, grounded in our hearts. More mouth open moments of utter awe at our existence. Surrendering to the senses, slowing down enough to take it all in. Trusting enough to sit with ourselves through the "bad stuff." Difficulty, struggle, complication, learning, losing, leaving behind. Karma, closing doors of all to which we were blind. Bending and morphing, and changing to be more kind. Writing and rising, forever intertwined. Dogs and ponies, and Dad's who aren't phonies. Moms and mistletoes, and moments where the whistle blows. We can let go of the chapter, and feel the good things after. We are witnessing a miracle, one in which we see our spirit grow. To bring our best to all humanity, a passion burns so deep in me. To achieve my highest purpose, and be kind to those who serve us. We're in this all together, to our source our souls are tethered. There is freedom in the making, love and kindness we are baking. Trusting true the time of order is behind us past the border. Heaven hopes and helps and nowness, faith forever we're endowed with. All the skills to seize our ceiling, limitless the art of being. Breathing breath the sign of living, living life the sign of giving. Namaste nomads no wonder, there is beauty in the thunder. Whats awaiting no escaping never needing no retreating. Colors flashing, feel the folly. Watch the window from the lobby. Doors will open, trust the waiting. Buried treasure is abating. In that heart so pure and precious, blessings bled by way of lessons. So I'm sharing this I'm hoping, that today you'll be eloping. Towards a place that needs no meaning, in a space that has you beaming. Here and now and never ending...

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