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Soft Peach Stew

I am finally writing something that is just for me. I am finally letting go of the critique, the blocks, and just letting myself flow onto the paper. It feels like heaven on earth. To be free of that little demon telling you what's wrong or should be edited. On and on and so forth. Dissecting, dismantling and secreting a certain venom on your words. Scraping off creative juices with every aggressive back turn of the delete button. Stopping to process. Holding up flow. Determining whether the audience will like what you've presented or if it's taking shape. Or if it will be understood or make a difference. But to be honest, in Eric Zaun's finest voice, "I don't really give a shit anymore." That's freedom. To roll with the punches. It takes getting hit by a few buses to get the picture, but it doesn't really matter that much. We are both not that important and incredibly important. We can be both. I used to stop at an inflection point and watch as I would become paralyzed by the thoughts of terror filling my manic mind. If we're searching scratching clawing, we should probably just step back and take a breath. Oxygen is the ultimate elixir. In more famous words, "ELE", Jackie Moon, "Everybody love everybody." In less famous words, my grandpa, "you're not that fucking important!" Aimed at my dad who always worried about what others thought of him. A trait that bled straight down the veins of the family tree. A family tree I am learning to love and appreciate and respect. Blemishes and all. During a time where opinions are hostile, and energy is being flung around like a boomerang in a broom closet. Smacking people in the head as it swings by recklessly wrecking innocent bystanders. I digress. I detract. I assume you're still listening. I appreciate that you are, but I no longer care. And in the best way possible. The ultimate freedom. the removal of the writer's block. It only took 23 hours of fasting and laying off the booze and coffee for a week but I have summited the mountain of my own fears. And it feels great. To recognize that I have the power to make this change. This shift into an empowered life. Now, let me get off my high horse and give you a big hug and a smooch. Thanking those who have gently guided me, and encouraging those who will continue to grow beside me. It's the cycle at it's most beautiful... To come off the mountain and realize there's more to life then staring at a blank screen and think about all the reasons getting in the way of expressing.


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