Updated: Jan 13
It all starts with a dream to reach the summit. The peak of our existence. To achieve and attain. At least that’s what we are taught. So we start on the journey… At the bottom of the mountain, a speedy heroic climb of achievement is forecasted. In reality, a long arduous uphill battle with this life awaits. Thinking of the top, blinders on. We charge towards this envisioned reality. Blurring beauty on the path. Breathing heavy. Forcing through hard moments, courageously. Smiling at passing peers reluctantly, while we hurry ahead. Things to do later. Stumbling over rocks. Lacking presence. Kicks cactus. Pain for a minute. Back in the body. Must climb on. A battle with self. Pushing, pressing, comparing and competing. Muster the manhood…
It feels nice to have a little bit of the eff-you attitude back in the system. I felt like I was out of balance. Sitting in the feminine, and melting into emotions. Resisting the urge of the ego. Grossed out by the carnal desire to climb over the next or conquer Mother Nature. Seeing extremes and excess and moving in the other direction nose upturned in judgment. I am learning to let go of this either or otherness, and to step into my own balanced, trusting space merging the beautiful flow of the feminine with the strength and will of the masculine power. Please take these words in a different context than the normal male or female construct. I believe that life is on a spectrum wherein we all our divinely balanced deep down. Life naturally brings us to this peace as time goes by. If we are attentively attuned to our nature, this comes more easily and intuitively day-by-day. When we shun this awareness, the awakenings are more extreme and more jolting. The build up over time. The negligence to what is right for us or what our body craves. The inability of the athlete to rest and recover. It is easier when we are tuned in to this natural knowing deep in our core. I have had a tendency to let my mind spin out of control with all the things I needed to complete. A never-ending seeking of value through doing and completion. When can you relax? When are you actually allowing yourself to slip out of fight or flight and into a trust, a faith that it’s alright? It’s alright to let your guard down. You are safe. There are dangers in this world but to worry that they lurk around every corner is a miserable existence. I know this because I have felt this. And now I see it more than ever today. It is sad to see people so separate. Walled off. Mistaking differences for threats. More curiosity and less judgment. Loaded arguments, hopefully less charged and more rational. Opinions being heard, disagreements understood. A deeper love, a higher power.
The path will follow. We just need to take the step. In faith. It may be dark. The ground unsteady. We adapt. We evolve. God’s plan. A gentle yet firm blend of consistently positive focus and energy towards a direction with a flexible and fluid ability to drift where the winds current winds. To grab the reins and steer the ship, yet in moments, surrender to the grace of a swift change in direction. To have a plan, to work hard in aliveness. Moving forward. Remaining open. Listening to the whispers of the universe as they tinker with our travels. Almost to the top. False summits. My thoughts have changed since the bottom. More humble. I let myself stop, and take it in. Can I appreciate all that I’ve done? Where I have been? The little wins so often overlooked. How often do we charge past these inflection points? Not good enough. Need more. Once I get this job, I will be happy. When I move, I will be free. Our dirty work never leaves us as much as we may turn a blind eye. That is certain. The tough stuff, the karma will follow us until we look directly into ourselves, into the mirror with an accountability to make a change. Can we do this kindly? Through a lens that both respects and loves that part of us that is damaged; teamed with a relentless and willing attitude to feel all this existence holds for us. The whole gamut. No spoonfuls of what we want and an avoidance of what is difficult. More beastly men with pure intent.
I have often eloquently danced around topics using flowery language. But the culture needs to change and more jarring, direct language feels necessary. No more rationalizing behaviors with circular reasoning. No more stuffed down emotions turning to cancer and untreated pain. No more bullshit surface level conversations. More accountability. More tough questions. Less struggle, less hiding. More comfort in uncertainty. More battle tested men with soft gooey hearts. More warriors of love. Strong beliefs and a willingness to concede. Contradictions, sincerely I believe. Signs of maturation, one can lead and bend the knee. Humbled by the mountain, bowing to the sea. No reckless violent nonsense. Wearing passion on our sleeves. When we touch the fiery iron, can we trust our hearts to bleed? Firm and tall, we wear our wounds with pride for all to see. A brotherhood of simple service, growing hearts we’re freed. Assemble now in unity, heaven eternally. No sitting waiting worrying about death and dark decrees. A healing touch, a healthy strength. A balance healthfully. To teeter tot and heal thoughts of passed were once conceived. Born a life, we’re here to fight for love not run and flea.
Take my hand, let’s walk across together. I need the help. I cannot do it alone. I have tried. As men, we need to accept help. To accept love and surrender to our feelings. Anything else is selfish ironically. Because the stop of flow, the longterm pain we endure comes roaring back around if we are not careful. It explodes out, it releases in diseases. I feel that we all need to trek the path alone at one point in our lives. The independence is vital. The balance is even more vital. And the blessing is, that part comes naturally if we let it. Nature necessitates it. So, as I stand on the mountain scanning Simba’s kingdom. I can only hope but to imagine, a life in which I follow this credo. By God’s bridge to heaven, my feet firmly planted. As long as I’m here, my mission is clear: to bring forth a message, to live love no less than. Embodying lightness, the fire ignites this. A sacred love journey. A mind that is learning. A heart that is burning. Open true nature. Head in the clouds, heart humbly bows. A balance ensuing, a cycle renewing. Free forever I’m hoping, these words are devoting. To actualize change, not just spoken from pain. To put out onto paper, I’m confirming my Maker.
Enough words. A time for action.